So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
