Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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