They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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