she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
