If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
