Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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