Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
