end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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