3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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