Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
