Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
