I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
