she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm too high and old for this...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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