he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
