She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
