somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
