I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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