Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
