Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
