Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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