We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
