A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
