Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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