i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
