Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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