My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
