so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
