Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
