o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i dont even know how to be here
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
