I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
