DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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