Say something about gay babies.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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