you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
