I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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