i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
