theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
