Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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