3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
