He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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