The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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