Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
