"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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