I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
