Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
