I wish i was in the wii world.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My vagina just recognized that song.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
