forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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