Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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