I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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