WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
