Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
