You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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