I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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