I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hippo gnu deer
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
