In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
